I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
