I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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