There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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