I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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