mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
