I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
