Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
