you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
