i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
