My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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