WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
