I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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