I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
