Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
