I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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