i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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