I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
