check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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