I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
