If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
