Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
