Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
