Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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