im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
