so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
