just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
