Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
