My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
