I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
