is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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