Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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