I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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