we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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