I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
