There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
