my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
