i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
