Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
