its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
