She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
