operation harelip BJ is a go
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
