At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
