she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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