I will die if light touches me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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