if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
