I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can't special order awesome
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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