I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
