bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
