Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
