The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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