there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
