So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
