i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
