you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
