The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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