are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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