Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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