She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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