A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
