It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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