but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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