This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
