please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
