I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
